tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post7436706112816118065..comments2014-08-24T21:08:53.021-04:00Comments on His Devoted One: Warning... Lots of "Feelings" Below... Proceed with CautionAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17493434044201634289noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-89041573122248548632013-07-01T17:28:25.522-04:002013-07-01T17:28:25.522-04:00Thanks Susie... And I hear what you're saying....Thanks Susie... And I hear what you're saying. I have also worried that I let myself fall too hard too fast but I don't know how to not just keep falling for him when we talk so much and have spent the past three and a half months talking and talking and talking. I agree that there is a ton of vulnerability in this and I know that in spite of my concerns I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet and I'm hoping that he will show me he is worthy of the trust I've given him. I believe that he will and I'm hoping that us meeting is going to happen really really soon too. We are talking about the hard stuff and the easy stuff... I think we've struck a good balance there. <br /><br />BekahAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493434044201634289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-13788168583327428492013-07-01T07:14:18.017-04:002013-07-01T07:14:18.017-04:00Bekah,
I'm reading multiple posts at once and ...Bekah,<br />I'm reading multiple posts at once and am so sorry that you went through this. Like Conina, my first reaction was huge concern and I don't think she was being critical at all--just expressing concern for you. You have so fully given yourself to a man who you haven't met. I remember long distance and it was so hard but I also didn't give myself over like this. It makes a woman very vulnerable. It really does sound like the two of you have worked through it as well as you can and I hope that you will find a way to meet each other very, very soon.<br /><br />We all bring old stuff to relationship. When we fall in love we tend to put it to the side but I would really, seriously encourage both of you to have the hard conversations and be very honest with each other. MM and I made the mistake of not working that stuff out till after we were married and it caused us a lot of pain.Susiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00511114118020790717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-82433030442437125452013-06-29T16:36:25.629-04:002013-06-29T16:36:25.629-04:00Hey Conina,
I'm gonna respond to what you sai...Hey Conina,<br /><br />I'm gonna respond to what you said to both of us.. just so I don't confuse you.<br /><br />You're right.. you didn't say that it was a nightmare long distance relationship.. I think I read that into it.. which probably wasn't fair. It's tricky communicating this way when we don't know each other and I have to remember to take the comments at face value and not read anything more into them than what they are.<br /><br /> B and I talked some about all of this . . . and I think I understand what you mean about it sounding like excuses because that is one of my fears as well.. not that he's being dishonest, but a fear that he's not really ready to dive head first into this. We're working on that.<br /><br />Also my post was really raw with emotion.. in a lot of ways I used the post to work through the bigness of emotions I was feeling and be able to see the whole thing with clearer eyes. I think it's natural for women to jump to each other's defense and I'm actually touched by your desire to respond to "the heartbreak you were reading" (I liked that wording.. it rang true to me).<br /><br />I will say.. just to be completely transparent, that I felt like your initial response was a little harsh and maybe a little accusatory. I think because B and I both read it that way . . . and we're still working our way to the other side of this particular difficult moment . . . it got a big reaction.<br /><br />BUT... you and your husband are a success story. You started online.. made it through long distance stuff.. and you're happily married. I don't think you're a troll . . . I think you're someone who will make B and I think . . . I think we may very well bump heads again in the future and I think that's okay as long as we keep it civil. . . I think you'll have valuable advice or encouragement as we continue on this journey . . . and I really don't want you to make yourself scarce.<br /><br />So if you'd like to stick around.. we'd love to have you. <br /><br />Bekah<br /><br />P.S. I'm working my way slowly through your blog.. and enjoying reading about your journey as well.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493434044201634289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-26411805847564176412013-06-29T13:28:13.172-04:002013-06-29T13:28:13.172-04:00I wasn't trying to label it a nightmare long d...I wasn't trying to label it a nightmare long distance relationship, at all. I'm sorry if it seemed that way - I also didn't mean to imply he's playing games. It's just easy to carelessly say you'll do something and then forget - over and over and over.<br /><br />I was also careful to say that it <i>sounded</i> like stories and excuses from my perspective, which is clearly not the same one you have. <br /><br />I appreciate the time you took to respond so thoroughly. Thank you. :) I'm very glad to know you're so happy and well-taken care of generally. Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-51920400856489135172013-06-29T13:21:18.613-04:002013-06-29T13:21:18.613-04:00There are things a person cannot help, and things ...There are things a person cannot help, and things a person can help. Believe me, I carefully considered even writing this at all because I figured it would get me shouted at/considered persona non grata. I didn't accuse you of lying about the unfortunate events, I said it's lying when you say one thing and do another. (about the things you can help)<br /><br />I know that things happen. - in a couple of months my friend burned down our barn, my house was broken into, my other friend's mom's house caught fire THREE times and eventually burned down - and my friend killed himself. I also know sometimes people just keep putting other people off for reasons - even valid reasons - because they're afraid.<br /><br />I apologize for offending you, and I'm very sorry about the medical situation, but I won't apologize for responding to the heartbreak I was reading. I'll make myself scarce now because I never meant to stir the pot or be a troll.<br /><br />Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-86098030918711645452013-06-29T13:14:08.105-04:002013-06-29T13:14:08.105-04:00Hey Conina
I've read your post about how awfu...Hey Conina<br /><br />I've read your post about how awful that first long distance relationship was for you so I understand why you would want to caution people... And I want to be clear that my tendency tends to be over cautiousness... Trusting long distance is definitely the area where I am needing to grow.. Maybe the most. I am realizing that my fear of being hurt is making me worry more than I need to and it's hurting us. .. I need to get better at taking risks and enjoying us... Because he is making me very happy. I'm hoping that he will be more careful with his words and not casually say something is going to be taken care of if its not (not with visiting... That's different). <br /><br />But what I really want to say is... Having read your post the biggest thing I can see are the differences. I don't struggle at all with worrying that B is with anyone else... I can't even fathom how he could spend the time he does talking to me and sustain another relationship. He's online when he says he will be almost always... He hasn't left me waiting online anymore than I have him and even then it's only been for a short time or one of us will start calling the other. I've seen his pic. He sent me one and we're facebook friends. I've posted on his wall and that was fine so he's not embarrassed for others to know about me. I've talked to one of his cousins and actually I've talked briefly on the phone with his mom.. B had told me before that she knew about me so I just identified myself as the woman he is talking to and that was fine. And the biggest thing is that it has been less than 4 months, not 2 years... I'm not willing to do this for years.. He and I are both too old for that and that's something we've talked about. <br /><br />I don't know that I've ever said all those things in the blog and it's possible that my angst has portrayed B more negatively than he deserves. But I think it's also possible that you would be quick to jump to the conclusion that he's making up stories and excuses because you know what it is to be hurt by the long distance thing and you want to caution others against it.<br /><br />That's okay and I want to hear other's perspectives but on this one I would ask you to read the post again because I think there were pretty definitely things that I need to work on and things that he could maybe do differently... But I don't think the evidence is there to label this a nightmare long distance relationship where he's just playing games. <br /><br />Anyway... I know that was a post in and of itself but I wanted to respond completely.<br /><br />BekahAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493434044201634289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-44313871013683815472013-06-29T12:04:54.133-04:002013-06-29T12:04:54.133-04:00Thanks bg
Writing this post made me realize thin...Thanks bg <br /><br />Writing this post made me realize things about myself too that I need to work on. I was able to step back and see how I've let a couple of fears overwhelm me instead of remembering how happy B makes me. And how when I get caught up in the fears I tend to wrestle B for the reins and this hurts us... He and I haven't talked in detail about the post yet but he said we will... He wanted to read it through a couple of times to make sure he had it all. <br /><br />I'm hoping for us too... And thankful to have you in our corner.<br /><br />(( hugs))<br />BekahAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493434044201634289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-55501565054980484032013-06-29T11:29:58.633-04:002013-06-29T11:29:58.633-04:00Canina B, I do appreciate your situation and the ...Canina B, I do appreciate your situation and the fact that yes, I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED BY A STRING OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS IS THE DAMNED HONEST TRUTH. A DEATH IN THE FAMILY, A CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER (THE BROTHER I NEVER HAD) ABOUT 6 YEARS YOUNGER THAN MYSELF, SUFFERING WHAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN A HEART ATTACK, ONLY TO DISCOVER AFTER NEARLY SEVEN HOURS IN THE HOSPITAL THAT IT WAS SOMETHING NO WHERE NEAR HEART PROBLEMS. And for your information his sister offered to talk to Bekah and confirm what had happened. so your basically accusing me of lying? try again... In case you have not figured out yet, i am in a rather large close knit family, and yes there are quite a few members in my family that suffer health problems. Heart disease runs rampant among the men in my family, neuropathy is another problem among my family. So before you speak in judgement of me.. maybe you should ask to know what series of unfortunate events can befall a man.<br /><br />The Bishop ( B )Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17620981338627809891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-80421920093059896342013-06-29T02:40:03.741-04:002013-06-29T02:40:03.741-04:00I think you did what's right on the ultimatum....I think you did what's right on the ultimatum. Just from an outside perspective, it sounds like he's making excuses and stories up (and I know he reads this, but I think it's important that he knows that's what he sounds like).<br /><br />I mentioned before that I've BEEN in one of these relationships where I was totally invested and he kept putting me off - to the point that he literally kept us all waiting around all day for him after a bunch of us had traveled a mere HOUR from his home.<br /><br />Then I got in the relationship I'm in now and the difference was night and DAY. I felt valued, cared for, cherished, like he literally could not ever WAIT to be physically in my presence - and each time he left it wrenched him as badly - if not worse than - it did me.<br /><br />You deserve that, and you're not wrong for feeling like you can't trust him when he keeps lying to you. That sounds harsh, but it's what he is doing when he says one thing and does another - over and over and over and over. Anyone can have a series of unfortunate events befall them, but it does sound fishy.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725320478122035436.post-35491881352281244732013-06-28T21:58:57.646-04:002013-06-28T21:58:57.646-04:00I'm so sorry Bekah. Daddy and I are not in a ...I'm so sorry Bekah. Daddy and I are not in a new, long distance relationship and there are parts of this I could have written myself. Daddy and I have struggled with him withdrawing from me at times. I too need his Dominance more when I am struggling. I hope that by reading your words here, he can understand you better and what you need from him.<br /><br />As far as the ultimatum... well that is a very personal decision. Only you know what is best for you. Only you know if you can continue the way things are. I have withdrawn consent, for a short time, and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was necessary for my own well-being (not that Daddy would ever harm me...just that emotionally I was a wreck and couldn't take anymore). <br /><br />I again, have no great wisdom to impart, but offer understanding and hope that you two will find a way to move forward.<br /><br />BIG BIG (((hugs)))<br />bg (P Surren)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com