Thursday, October 3, 2013

An Ending. . . Hey Wait. . . Haven't I Done This Before

I've spent the week wrapping my head around it. . . but I can't really move forward with the blog, whatever that will look like, until I share with all of you that B and I ended things.  Basically for exactly the same reason we ended things last time, he didn't get here.

In the end, I don't think he was trying hard enough or taking things as seriously as I was, the urgency was lacking . . . and in my mind we were well past the point of "urgency to meet" being reasonable.  I think he thinks that I was unreasonable and maybe even selfish, but. . . well. . . I think he's wrong.

I was angry, really angry. I'm still kinda angry if I'm being honest. I'm sad too and it's hard, but mostly I'm angry. Angry that I let myself try again. Angry that it didn't work. Angry that I don't feel like he tried hard enough. Angry that if he didn't try hard enough it means that I liked him more than he liked me, that I invested my heart and he didn't reciprocate. Okay maybe I'm hurt about that. . . but I think you get the point.

So now I move forward, one step at a time. . . without him. I'm trying to heal and trying to figure out the next step in seeking out what I'm looking for. I certainly learned a lot from this and there are things I'll do differently when I embark on another relationship, although I feel like the idea of embarking on another relationship is completely daunting right now. . . soon enough. . . but not yet.

I'm a little afraid that people will just roll their eyes and say, "Yea yea... we've heard this before..." but well, this is my journey and if I'm gonna blog about it, then I need to be honest . . . even if it does make people roll their eyes at me.

I'm thankful for all those who read here and who comment. . . and I'm thankful for those who read and don't comment (I know you're out there. . .).

We'll see where the road takes me next, huh?

Oh... and in the interest of this post not being completely vanilla . . .
This pic pushes my buttons . . . in a good way . . .