The week we didn't talk was hard, and I missed him terribly; but it was also just enough time for me to remember that there are needs and there are wants. I want for B and I to work out, but it's not a "need."
Talking to him again has filled a void in me, he's good for me . . . I do know that. Long distance is complicated and I think we will still have some serious hurdles, but I want to try again and see if we can pull this off. He is eager to try again, and to change the things that need to be changed to make us better . . . to move us forward.
I told him that I don't know that I will be able to trust him, really trust him, until he makes it up here and we meet in person. He said he understands that. I don't know if he really understands how high the walls are around my heart right now, how much I'm self protecting. I think, in some ways, I have to do that right now, until I see for myself that he is committed to moving us forward, until I see it with his actions and not just his words.
I feel like I'm not sure what all to say about it, I have lots of feelings all criss-crossed inside of me and I'm still sorting them.
On paper we're unbelievably good for each other. We share the same faith, the same basic political views. We have varied interests, but we're genuinely interested in learning about what the other is passionate about. We have the same ideas about family and about what sort of place we would like to live (neither one of us are big city sort of people).
I find myself wishing that we just lived in the same place, but alas, that is not to be right now. So we'll keep working our way through this long distance thing.
Right now, we're moving in baby steps.
Until next time,
His devoted one
P.S. If anyone has any specific advice on weathering long distance relationships, particularly D/s relationships or if you know of any good websites where we could look for advice that would be awesome. feel free to email it to either of us, or just put in in comments on either of our blogs.