(I know it's a guy . . . but if you imagine it's a girl, the pic is perfect . . . lol)
I feel a little shy about it. . . Like maybe people won't like me anymore because I disappeared for a little bit... And I'm sorry I stopped commenting on all of your blogs. . . But I was reading and I'll start commenting again. Promise.
Pinky promise even . . .
But what makes a person submissive???
I don't know if I have the answer, but I do know that I can see it in myself all the way back to when I was a really little girl.
One of my uncle's was very authoritative and he was so attentive to his kids and, let me tell you something, his kids didn't get away with ANYTHING. I had wonderful parents, nurturing and loving and strict in their own way and pretty much awesome. But as a kid I remember wishing that my dad was more like this uncle.
When I got a little older and I was paying attention to relationships, I knew that a couple of my uncle's led their families. It was faith based for them and they were definitely the heads of their households. They adore their wives but they most definitely wear the pants in their homes. Once again, my parents loved each other deeply and in his own way, my dad led our family but when I thought about the kind of man I wanted to marry, I knew then that I wanted to marry a man who would lead me the way my uncles led my aunts. I even journaled about it. ( As a note, I have no idea if my uncles spank my aunts and I don't want to know . . . because that's weird . . . but if I'm honest, it wouldn't surprise me.)
Bahahahahaha . . . NOT like this . . .
B and I actually had a 'moment' about him . . . Steve, of course, is anxious to meet the man who has captured my attention and I told B about him and that we would have to set up that meeting eventually. B acted a tiny little bit nervous about that and I told him jokingly that I might defy him every once in a while but I don't defy Steve. B got all dominant... It was kinda
"Come on in . . .the water's fine . . ."
In my jobs I have found that I am the happiest if I have a strong supervisor, male or female, so that I can fall in line and just do my job without worrying about needing to be in charge. In my personal life I always seem to have at least one guy friend who is definitely stronger than I am so that on those days when I just want to pick a fight, I have someone who will definitely win. Because I definitely don't want to win. . . I just want to be reined in . . . ( y'all know what I mean by that right?)
So for me, I can see it all through my life. This underlying desire to be able to submit to others. Not to be a doormat . . . I've got all kinds of spunk (just ask B) and I want to be an active participant in this thing . . . passivity doesn't suit me . . . but I don't want to lead us. I want to be able to tuck in behind someone stronger than I am and lend them my strength and draw on theirs.
(I like this image . . . look how strong his hand looks . . .
he's definitely got her . . . but she's holding on tight too . . .)
I'm feeling curious.
Until next time (and it won't be forever this time . . .),
His devoted one