Punished

Well, for those of you who are following along (waving and smiling sheepishly),

Last night I was pretty sure I was in some trouble.  I was.  I also learned something very important, it could be considered a rule . . . although he didn't call it one, but I think I'll treat it with the same importance that I treat my rules.

What is it, you ask??  It is this:  Do not, under any circumstances, put up a blog post admitting to being disobedient before admitting such to B directly.  Now before you get too worried, I had decided I wasn't sure about this anyway. So, while the post was finished before I got to talk to him last night, I didn't post it until after he and I were talking about it.  I told him after that I had thought about posting it before then and he said . . . and I quote . . . "I would have hit the roof, you would have been in so much trouble."

(Bekah's life goals: #1, Never make my Sir look like this . . . )

Noted Sir, I won't ever post something like that before I've told you.

He decided to . . . ummmm . . . (blushing hard) . . . punish the offending part of me.  I didn't think talking about punishments would be this hard, but I'm kind of ashamed of myself so it's a little embarrassing to re-live it.  Okay, maybe if I just type it quick.  He had me get ice and hold it to my . . . well, to . . . down there okay . . . while he timed it and it was COLD. 



 And I didn't argue with him but I may have whimpered and  fussed a tiny bit, because it was COLD.  Did I mention yet that it was cold.  I think that this could be very erotic and I know that B is excited to play with ice with me because he's told me, but in this context, just holding it there and it being a punishment, it wasn't fun . . . it was just COLD, and embarrassing, and it kinda hurt.


After that I had to stand in the corner for 20 minutes and was tasked with thinking about why we do punishments in the first place.  I suppose that now would be a good time to say that I hate the corner . . . so much.  I know, and can admit when I am not facing corner time, that the corner is good for me. It makes me think . . . it makes me **feel** submissive and small . . . it puts me firmly in my place . . . and I almost always come out in a better frame of mind than I went in.  But, in the moment, when he says, "You're going to spend 20 minutes in the corner . . ." all of that rational thinking flies out the window and the only thought in my head is, "20 minutes!?!?!? That's forever!!! I haaaate the corner!!!"  I tried a couple of times to talk my way out of it, got a little whiny and gave him a couple of "Sir please's" but he wasn't having it and I spent my 20 minutes in the corner. (I won't tell them how you forgot me in the corner, Sir . . . we'll keep that between us.   ;-) )

(I had on a tank top and panties . . . but this one looked the most like how I was standing)

I'm sure he would want me to tell you what I learned, so here it is:

1. Punishment is supposed to make it "not worth it" to disobey him. It's supposed to discourage any behavior he doesn't want me to do. 
2. It's also supposed to re-establish our roles. It's me accepting and remembering that I've given him the right to exert his will over mine.  In disobeying, or breaking a rule, I've exerted my will over his so when he exerts his will over mine in a punishment, in something clearly unpleasant, it corrects the imbalance I've created and re-establishes order in our relationship.  
3. The third thing I came up with is that it gives us a way to quickly achieve a peaceful resolution to wrongdoing. I tend to beat myself up over things, so when he punishes me and then it's over and we move forward, it gives me permission to let go because I've "paid" for it. It also gives him something to do with any angry/hurt/frustrated feelings he has over being disobeyed because he can make me"pay" for it and then we can move on.

I think that pretty much sums it up . . . We had a pretty intense conversation today that I will probably blog about in the next day or two, but I wanted to get this one up first so that my posts would be in order.

I seriously love getting advice or thoughts or encouragement or even constructive criticism. He is as invested in this blog as I am (although I'm really hoping he'll start one . . . more on that later) and we are both appreciating the comments we're getting and would love more.

Until next time,

His devoted one